It was fun to explore five conversation starter strategies courtesy of Gemini last week. Since those were overviews, some have asked if we could dive deeper into each to help provide more context. This feels like a valuable exercise, so here we go:
“1 - The "Starting with My Own" Approach (The Reciprocal Opener)
This method involves discussing your own preparations first to normalize the conversation and make it less about "checking up on him" and more about "family planning."
How to do it: Begin by sharing that you've recently updated your own will, power of attorney, or advanced directive (even if it's just updating beneficiaries).
"Dad, I recently finalized a few things with my financial planner, just updating my will and setting up my advance care directive. It really got me thinking about how important it is for all of us to have our affairs in order. Have you ever thought about reviewing your documents or updating them to reflect any changes you'd want?"
The Goal: It reframes the topic as a standard part of responsible adulthood, making it a peer-to-peer discussion rather than an adult child lecturing a parent.”
What I really like about this approach is that it shows I am willing to put in the work before asking my Dad about his estate. This makes the conversation more of a peer-to-peer interaction, lowering and even leveling the power dynamic stemming from a parent-child relationship. Further, it shows a commitment to being a responsible adult rather than just a child who wants to take (even if this isn’t the case, it reduces that perception or fear).
There are many life hacks in here: 1 - If you want good partners, be a good partner. 2 - Harder now, easier later or easier now, harder later…take your pick. 3 - If you want to be taken seriously, be serious. 4 - Good communication comes from a place of honesty, vulnerability, and curiosity. 5 - If we want to move our families forward, we have to be willing to do the work.