“2. The "Focus on Wishes, Not Wealth" Approach (The Legacy Opener)
This approach focuses on his values and desires, which are generally easier and more rewarding to talk about than dry financials or mortality.
How to do it: Shift the conversation from "what money do you have?" to "what do you want your life / legacy to look like?" This can start with non-financial items.
"Mom and Dad, with everything you've built and the amazing life you've had, I've been thinking about your legacy. For example, those old photo albums or your war memorabilia—do you have any specific wishes about who you'd like to have them? And what about your wishes for your own care down the road? It would give me so much peace of mind just knowing what you truly want."
The Goal: It validates their life's contribution and focuses on his autonomy. It naturally transitions from treasured items to healthcare directives ("wishes for care") and, eventually, to financial plans ("wishes for assets").
This approach resonates with me for a number of reasons, including: 1 - This allows our parents to Live Their Legacy, not just leave it. 2 - This is about respecting our parents’ wishes and hopes, keeping the agency and control with them, while still getting what we need, which is clarity, transparency, and a plan. 3 - It allows us to have a conversation about our inheritance without sounding greedy.
Starting with the non-financial items shifts the conversation from money to legacy, likely a more approachable framing. Our parents won at the Game of Life, it’s their money, and we obviously need to respect that. That said, leaving the family in a lurch due to poor planning or execution seems inconsistent with how our parents got to this place.
Hidden life hack: Get your work done so that you can play. Proper planning and documentation will allow us all to enjoy the golden years together and ensure the family is moving forward as the estate settles in the coming years.